I'll Never Be An All Black

by Miramar Chess Club

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"Listen ... it's a hit!" This virtual band has its first track out now - an anthem for everyone who will never be an All Black! Featuring performances by some of the great commentators on New Zealand's national game, the song describes the plight of a life-long footy fan who’s having trouble coming to grips with changes to the rules.

Watch the video:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqB-qFwGcTw

lyrics

Crouch, touch, pause, engage!
Listen … it’s a goal!

Listen to the story of an ordinary man
Living in New Zealand doing what I can
And I want to be an All Black like Pine Tree or Jonah
But I knew I’d never make the Hall of Fame
I couldn’t understand half the Laws of the Game
I thought the rolling maul was a retail destination
I tried to learn it, tried to persevere
But I’ve got to find myself another career
Cos I’ll never be an All Black bound for mud and glory

Tell me about the officials
The referee orders everyone about
The backline is offside! There’s pushing in the lineout!
There’s over 40 different referee signals - that’s incredible!
Rules are always changing, slowing down the play
You come in from the side you give a penalty away
What would Winston McCarthy have to say? (Goodness gracious me!)
I can’t do the haka though I’ve practiced all year
So I’ve gotten used to the idea
That I’ll never be an All Black now you know my story

I’ll never be an All Black
I’ll never be an All Black
I’ll never be an All Black bound for mud and glory

OK fellas what do we think of the first half?
A fantastic first 40
With some great hard-driving forward play
Yeah but not as good as the good old days
Back on the field oh a hand in the ruck
The crowd’s all saying we should “Bring Back Buck!”
It’s a game of two halves and we’d all like to say
Rugby was the winner on the day!

But as for me
I’ll never be an All Black
I’ll never be an All Black
I’ll never be an All Black bound for mud and glory

They’ve got the psychic energy now!
I’ll never be an All Black
I’ll never be an All Black
I’ll never be an All Black bound for mud and glory

So where do you think they're having the most problems these days?
Oh it's got to be the tackled ball rule
It's confusing the fans and the players
Even the commentators
Yeah I couldn't agree more there
There's too many different interpretations
We've certainly seen that over the years
Well you have because you’re much older than us
Yeah the refs didn’t even have whistles when he started, they rang bells!
The IRB’s gotta do something about it
Oh fat chance, John!
I’m with you on that one boys
Well that it’s for the day lads. What are we gonna do now?
Back to your place
I’m not having you buggers at my place

credits

released July 7, 2011
Neil Worboys - vocals
Murray Costello - bass
Tim Robinson - drums
Baz Caitcheon - guitar & vocals
Chris Nichol - saxophone
Matt Newman - guitar
Grant Pryde - guitar
Commentary team: Keith Quinn, John McBeth, Grant Nesbitt, Graeme Moody and the late great Winston McCarthy (thanks to Sound Archives Ngā Taonga Kōrero)
Manukura Tāne: Martin Wikaira
Recorded and mixed by Andrew Downes at Marmalade Audio
Mastered by Mike Gibson at Munki
Artwork by Phill Simmonds www.simmondsbrothers.com

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